SWAMP REBELLION SWALLOWS BELOVED CIRCUS

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On December 1st our year 2483, a circus was reported moving through Swamp District 504. Descriptions are consistent with our most effective pacification unit, lost last year after attempting to mitigate mounting tension in the southern region. Until that point, Circus Squadron 39 had successfully pacified 155 attempted  insurgences and dispersed the Great Riots of 2479. A large, two-headed pachyderm surrounded by sparkly creatures and celebratory music was seen moving through thick fog in the problematic area. One tattered monkey “bouncing fiercely for the pleasure of passersby” was described by a trusted vanguard. All signs point to Bananas, the legendary dancing monkey and primary candidate for our Lebon Peace Prize. 

 

It is the first we have heard of our performers since Tuesday, February 13 when they were last seen attempting to calm troubled residents of the fen. For generations now this troop has danced reason into the social aberrations claiming to represent freedom. As we all know, this is a perverted idea that leads only to the breakdown of order and sacrifice of sanity. Kind citizens, it is a tragedy that Bananas has been brainwashed and the circus gone rogue, but rest assured, law will prevail.

 

As of now scouting missions to the bayou have brought little information, however early reports describe the uprising as a group of massively talented swamp mutants that range in appearance from giant insects to nubile-legged fish people, reptilian humanoids and marsh pirates. There is talk of a crawfish army. Apparently the group centers around a two-headed alligator god who they ride through the streets, the stink of sex and skunk cabbage announcing their presence as they spread filthy propaganda. 

 

Fear not dear people, our great leaders will quell the southern disturbance. Until then, do not believe lies from the swamp. While our circus may be temporarily lost, the crime that has been committed against rational life will not go unpunished. Every one of these revolutionaries will be incarcerated and rehabilitated. We have seen rebellion before and tamed it successfully. Trust in our leaders. Do not breathe the stench that rises from below. It will soon be snuffed out. Once again we will return to the harmony that comes only with collective submission. If you have information that might aid in the silencing of false politics, it is your duty to share it. Remember, freedom is an illusion and happiness comes only with surrender.